I cannot explain the confusion inside my head, I dont understand how I can go, what, two and a half months without the 'horrible, aching, depression' of missing someone. Why now does that happen?
4 months ago I was ok, a little unstable but I got better and better and BAM. Im an unstable, insecure emotional wreck again.
Before, every night after he left, I would fall alseep with my phone and listen to the message he left me over and over again, but I slowley got better. About a week later I was ok. But this is the third night I've cried myself to sleep because of it. All this, insecure thoughts about losing someone arent like me and I dont usually get them. If I do, I talk about them. I cant. With anyone. Well, no one listens anyway. I havent felt so alone since I moved here, no one listens and I cant find anyone to help. I've never kept so much inside before like I am now, I can open up to people and tell them what the hells wrong with me but I just dont even know whats wrong with me this time.
Why am I thinking these things?
Why am I doing this to myself?
I just dont know anymore. My God, e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g reminds me of him and it hurts sooo much. All the old thoughts buried in my head came back, all the memories I forgot that were replaced by the important ones that stand out. But I see all of them when I sleep and I cant take it anymore. I said I was going crazy but no one believed me.
Is it really possible to go crazy without someone?